I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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