just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
