i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
