So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
