I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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