I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
you made out with another girl for some wings
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
