Someone shit on the floor
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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