who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
