i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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