Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
