A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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