I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
