Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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