just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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