what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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