She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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