Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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