STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
