i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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