you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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