so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
