Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
