i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
