Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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