I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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