sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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