i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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