wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
