i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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