I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
