I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
