So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
