it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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