In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I could fuck to npr.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
