like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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