She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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