While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
