ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
