She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
