yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
