i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
