I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
