3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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