If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
