I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
