I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
