he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
