He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
