I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So many bounce houses so little time
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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