i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
